Teeny tiny thoughts

1

Life is really strange. We assume our struggles are unique to us. Yet we come across people time and again who ask you the same questions that you are seeking answers for and make you tell the answers

If our struggles are all so so similar, we are never alone in this.

2

While I find it easier to say "Let everything that's not meant to be, fall apart", my heart secretly wishes to see at the end - a few things to remain in tact, few things to hold on to, few things to cling to obsessively.

3

Is life all about settling down for choices that give a false sense of security? "A known devil is better than an unknown angel?"

4

Sometimes mind's weavings are so dense, that we don't see a little light around. Faith is seeing the light within. (Source: PradQuotes)

5

Sometimes our fight or flight response system runs overtime and detects threats where there are none. And it's so much fun to prove yourself wrong in these circumstances.

At times I wonder if it was just me over-reacting to seemingly normal things.

Or if the possibility of threat was real but. it got miraculously sorted out by a greater force.

6

That un-named feeling where something is stuck between the heart and the throat, struggling to find a way for its expression, oru nimisham vaai vittu azhudha nalla irukume nu thonum, but thalakeezha ninnu thanni kudichalum azhuga mattum varadhu. 

7

அன்பிற்கும் உண்டோ அடைக்கும் தாழ் ?

பூட்டு சாவியே இருக்கு :D :D

Setting it free is the only way out for you to take a deep breath of freedom from the stories your mind keeps yourself stuck in.

8

I remember the concept of Palingu thirai from ManiMegalai. This Palingu Thirai that's as pristine as Saint Gobain glass, allows someone to be seen but not heard or felt.

Is there a tiny version of this palingu thirai that's stuck in my throat which stops me from expressing the emotions that are troubling me and also stops me from feeling heard?

9

My go-to checklist for whenever I feel cranky:

1. Am I sleep-deprived?

2. Am I dehydrated?

3. Do I lack sunlight exposure?

4. Am I hungry or running low on carbs or sugar?

5. Did I miss my workout for more than 3 days at a stretch?

6. Is it a long time since I spoke to a friend?

7. When was the last time I said hi to my journal?

8. Is my day packed with back-to-back calls?

10

When you are the kind of person who seeks external validation from people in your life, and they take it as their life's purpose to make you feel invalidated at all levels of your existence, you have two choices:

1. Accept their judgement as irrefutable one and stay stuck with it all your life 

2. Make peace with the past and keep exploring new horizons while being completely aware that you could break down anytime the sharp remarks from past strike you. Take a deep breath and tell yourself: "Evlovo paathutom. Idha panna maatoma?"

Never ever give in to the stupidities like Fake it till you make it . It's ok to feel weak at times. After all, you are just a human being with all the fragilities that life has bestowed upon you. 

P.S: Life isn't that cruel anyway. It has also given you certain strengths that you are not aware of. Go figure them out and add them to your arsenal !

11

When you are tired of waiting for tables to turn, and there it is - a shift happening (however fleeting it might be), from a position of being questioned all the time, to a position of questioning people in authority.

12

She had always felt like a budget version of Disney princess throughout her childhood and adolescent years. And overnight things turned upside down. The same sweet relatives showed their monster like faces. And it was extremely hard for her to even comprehend it. 

And then one fine day, she reached a conclusion. Maybe this is what being a woman feels like.

13

அவர்கள் காட்டிய அன்பு

மெய்யோ பொய்யோ

அதை நான் அறியேன்.

நான் உணர்ந்த

அன்பின் மிச்சமே

உண்மையில்

துணையாய் வருகிறது.

14

இரவின் நிலவு 

இட்டுச் சென்ற 

அழகிய மருதாணி தானோ

அதிகாலை வானின் 

இளஞ்சிவப்பு !

எங்கும் பரவிக் கிடக்கும் 

மருதாணியின் இளஞ்சிவப்பை 

ஓர் விரல் கொண்டு துடைத்து, 

நெற்றித் திலகமாய் 

இட்டுக் கொண்டது

 கீழ்வானம். 

திலகத்தின் வழியே 

எட்டிப் பார்த்துச் சிரித்தான் 

மழலைக் கதிரவன்.

Insomniac Rantings

 Why am I wide awake at 3:33am ? Should I call it mid of the night or almost beginning of the dawn? 

When the entire world, or at least half of the planet earth is sound asleep, what does my soul search for at this odd hour, keeping me awake?

What makes me feel like I'm the odd one out? 

The way an existential crisis could manifest in each one's life could be different. But are we not all looking for the one thing that which is stable, that which no one can snatch away from us, that which will never leave us alone at our most vulnerable moments?

Then what makes each of us to believe that ours alone is the worst struggle in this whole universe?

 What makes us feel different from our fellow beings and keeps us locked in isolation imposed by the weavings of our own mind?

While it feels like I'm slightly touching the boundaries of nihilism, (which states that there is no point to this existence at all), I still do believe with whole of my heart that there must be a greater reason or a purpose to this existence. 

I'm just tired of searching for it everywhere else. I'm just tired of seeking for it in all the wrong destinations. I'm afraid of looking within.

What am I supposed to do? Why doesn't life hand us a blueprint? What's the whole point of this "freewill of choice" when every choice I make seems to bring me back to this same thought again and again?

Having exhausted all modes of transport that stare right at my face, there is still one more, a scary one though - Leap of faith. 

To be explored...

2

What's this that makes me feel stuck as if some invisible force has bound me to experience a certain set of events in loop similar to GroundHog day movie?

What is it that I'm struggling to reach an acceptance with?

What do I really want?

What is it that I'm struggling to express to myself?

What's really troubling me?

What's the way forward?

3

Fear of Missing Out

It's such a pain in the neck. And it's true. 

All the years you had been struggling to build a life for yourself, to become independent, the struggle to adapt to a new work environment, making it through constant reorgs. Suddenly you stop for a moment and look back to notice that you haven't lived your life. While the rational mind could convince you pretty well that you were busy battling a huge thing that was meant to throw your life apart. And thats quite true as well. It's not the fear of missing out. But the pain of what has been missed out and the fear of never being able to make up for it, that tugs at your heart.