The Irony - Unity in Diversity

I remember this term "Unity in Diversity" from my schooldays of History&Civics. Indian subcontinent is comprised of multiple states that are richly diverse in their cultures, languages, food habits and a lot more things. Despite these differences, we are united as a nation.

Somehow it feels relevant to the feeling of loneliness. People may have different personality traits - introvert/extrovert or outgoing/laidback, different set of desires and aversions, different set of skillsets, motivating factors, religious/spiritual beliefs, physical appearances, way of dressing, hopes and dreams about future, traumas from the past. It looks like everyone is unique in one's own way.

Yet, when it comes to loneliness, all these differences fall apart. Not even our blood group or DNA differences play a role here. The moment when we get in touch with the core of loneliness, all of our differences seem to evaporate in an instant. 

Dictionary definition of loneliness goes this way - "the state of being alone and feeling sad about it". It's strangely ironic that it's from this so called state of being alone, that we are able to relate to another human being from a deeper level, throwing away all surface level differences.

I'm confused now. Is loneliness synonymous with being isolated from others? Or is it the key to relate to our fellow human beings from a deeper level, throwing away all the superficial differences?

வேள்பாரி

மனமெங்கும் வாழ்வின் கசப்பான சுவை மேலோங்கி இருந்த நேரத்தில் என்னைத் தேடி வந்தான் வேள்பாரி.

சங்க காலத்திற்கு காலப்பயணம் செய்வதற்கான பயணச்சீட்டு தான் இந்தப் புத்தகம்.

திரையர்கள் பறம்பினுள் காட்டு வழியாக நுழைந்து தேவ வாக்கு விலங்கை களவாடிச் செல்ல, அத்தனை உடல் வலிமை கொண்ட திரையர் வீரர்களை எதிர்த்து பாரி ஒற்றை ஆளாய் செல்ல வேண்டாம் என தேக்கன் கூறிய பொழுது என் மனமும் அடித்துக் கொண்டது "ஐயோ தனியா போகாதே பாரி, பயமா இருக்கு" என்று. 

"பாரிக்கு ஒன்றும் ஆகாது. நீங்க தைரியமா படிங்க" என்று நண்பர் ஒருவர் கொடுத்த நம்பிக்கையில் தான் தொடர்ந்து படித்தேன்.

அதன் பிறகு சேர சோழ பாண்டியர்கள் மூவரின் படைகளும் பறம்பின் ஒவ்வொரு திசையில் போருக்கு ஆயத்தமாகி இருக்க, சோழன் யாராலும் கண்டறிய முடியாத வழியில் பறம்பின் உள்ளேயே பிரவேசித்து விட்டான். "அவ்வளவுதான் எல்லாம் போச்சு" என்று மனம் பதறியது. மூவேந்தர்களையும் அளவில்லாத வசை மொழியில் சபிக்கத் தொடங்கினேன்.

கபிலரும் என்னைப் போலவே பதற்றம் கொண்டிருந்தார். 

இவ்வளவு இக்கட்டான நிலையிலும் பாரிக்கோ பறம்பு மக்களுக்கோ துளியும் அச்சம் எழவில்லை. போரை மூன்று திசைகளில் இருந்தும் கையாளும் விதம் பற்றி ஆலோசித்தனர். 

என்னையும் அறியாமல் கைகளைத் தட்டிக் கொண்டிருந்தேன் இந்த வரிகளைப் படிக்கையில் :)

கபிலரைப் பார்த்தால் சற்றே பொறாமையாகத்தான் இருக்கிறது. என் அன்பான பாரியின் மனதில் இத்தனை பெரிய இடம் பிடித்து விட்டாரே மனிதர் !

Wordle

 I recently started playing this Wordle game. First day, i misunderstood the instructions that i need to find six different words and i would be getting six chances for each word. Then I realized it's just one word and six chances.

If i guess a letter at the right position, the box would be highlighted in green colour. If i guess a letter right, but in the wrong position, the box would be highlighted in yellow. If the letters i had guessed are not part of the word at all, the box would be highlighted in black colour.

After reaching my 3rd or 4th attempt, if many of my guessed letters were highlighted in black, i started to feel little demotivated. "What's this? I haven't guessed the right word yet."

But then my mind also says, you have figured out most of the letters that are not part of the actual word. Now you have limited number of choices to find the right word.

Somehow my entire life feels like the Wordle game. I was clueless most of the times. Most of my guesses proved to be wrong. I'm just feeling tired of carrying my soul day over day to see yet another sunrise.

Maybe, all this while I had figured out what doesn't work out. Maybe it's time to flip the coin and figure out what works...

How to name it?

Trigger warning: Cockroaches. 

If you are afraid of or have a disgust towards cockroaches, don't proceed further. Close this page ASAP.

How to name this?

Facing your fears while living alone ??

Coming to terms with your past life karma ???

The Jallianwalla bagh massacre that happened in my kitchen last evening !!!????????

My dad narrated me a story when I was a small kid. An extremely poor family lived in a village. One fine day, the son came to his mom and asked, "Mom, my friends were telling today that they drank milk. What is it ma? They said it looks white in colour and it would be very sweet in taste. I too want to drink that sweet white liquid ma." The mom tried so hard to hide her tears. Their family was in such a destitute state that they couldn't afford to have milk. She mixed little rice flour and sugar in hot water and gave it to her son saying it's milk. Not having seen milk before, the son ecstatically drank it full.

After narrating this story, my dad also mentioned that anyone's heart would melt while listening to this story of poverty and would bring them to tears. And then he added, "But you are a stone hearted person. You won't cry easily for such stories". I don't know what made him speak such strong words to a seven year old kid. Maybe he foresaw my nature and conveyed it to me. Or if it was his words that turned me into this person who finds it extremely hard to cry unless my heart is tormented by so much pain.

How would I tell my dad that an army of cockroaches in the kitchen made me cry 🤣 

I have a friend who would run frantically in such a way that her feet wouldn't even touch the ground when she sees a cockroach. It's hard to tell whether she is running or flying. So scared of cockroaches she is. Many a times I have made fun of her. I just realized today, just like autism and schizophrenia, disgust for cockroaches is also a spectrum.

Urban Company pest control person sprayed some liquid everywhere in my kitchen last evening. I couldn't bring myself to enter the kitchen last night. The sight made me think if this is how Jallianwalla bagh massacre could have happened at a higher scale. I gave myself a pep talk to bring myself to clean the remainings of a Kurukshetra war field.

When it comes to dating or marriage, there are lots of aspects based on which compatibility is determined. Horoscopes, personality types, education, career, mountain or beach person and a lot more questions. But I would say, if you are someone who avoided taking Biology or Pure Science group in 11th &12th classes in your school especially to avoid dissecting cockroaches, please get yourself a partner whose disgust for cockroaches lies at the lower end of the spectrum. 

Maybe today is the day I faced one of my deepest disgust/fear that's been continuing for so many lifetimes. 

When my mom sees a cockroach, she instantly reaches out to her weapon (broomstick) and gets done with it in a moment. My dad can't stand to kill any insect. But he is still brave enough to catch a live insect within a cloth and leave it outside the window. Looks like I inherited only my dad's trait of being unable to kill an insect and not beyond that.

This entire post might feel like an exaggeration if you haven't seen a kitchen floor completely covered with dead cockroaches and you had to struggle to make a way forward.

Anxiety

Anxiety could get triggered when a demand is made on our energy and we are not in a resourceful state of mind.

It would be apt to either deny that request/demand altogether or schedule it to a later time when we are in a better state of mind to handle it.

But then kicks in the inability to say NO, the fear of being abandoned for setting healthy boundaries, the knack to catostrophize even minor discomforts.

This catastrophizing happens at an intense scale if we have been through some sort of a trauma.

During school days, when you had a headache, applying Vicks on the forehead was more than enough. If it was unbearable pain, mom would give a half of a Metacin tablet. But as an adult, having experienced migraine for 2-3 days every week for more than a year and having recovered from it reasonably well, our minds start diagnosing any minor headache as migraine ( if not as brain tumor, thanks to hypochondria). 

And the same goes to anxiety and depression. There might be moments when we feel just bored or sleepy and a not so great mood accompanying that half awake state of mind. But the diagnosis just screams loud, l'm having a relapse of my depression/anxiety symptoms. 

And then the mind gives a tired look, "Dude, everyone gets to experience bad days once in a while. Let me have mine peacefully without having to do any root cause analysis, please."