Rejection

Rejection - This is such a powerful word that's capable of triggering tons and tons of painful memories.

Is it when your most favourite crush is not even aware that you exist in this same universe as he/she lives?

Is it when you proposed someone and they said "NO"?

Is it when your lover wanted to break-up with you?

Is it when your spouse decided to proceed with a divorce?

Is it when your colleagues turn down your brilliant ideas for the project?

Is it when your manager denies your hike/promotion stating unreasonable things?

In truth, none of the above qualifies as rejection though we strongly feel otherwise. Each human being has a free will of choice. What we think/feel as the right thing may not appear so for another person, which is perfectly fine.

If that's so when does true rejection really happen?

I came across this term called "Injunction". It's widely used in Transactional Analysis (a term used in Psychology)

Injunctions are prohibitions or negative commands from a parent often outside their awareness. They are expressions of disappointment, frustration, anxiety, and unhappiness which come out of the parent’s own pain.

Injunctions establish the “don’ts” by which children learn to live. These messages are predominantly given nonverbally and at the psychological level between birth and seven years of age. Injunctions include:

 

And these injunctions are what grow into the monster called "inner critic" - that nasty voice inside our head. This becomes a lens through which we try to process the world around us. And it's definitely not a healthy one, because most of our life experiences seem to reassure our loudest insecurities. And we are not equipped to take a clear look beyond our own insecurities and self-doubts.

True rejection happens at the core level. When we are convinced that our feelings/needs don't really matter, that we are destined to ruin all good things in our life, that somehow we always make stupid choices in life, that we are irrecoverably flawed, that we always push people away right when we feel emotionally vulnerable with them, that all our desires in life are meant to bring us pain. When we don't feel like living our own age as if we feel like an eternal child and a 482 year old person both at the same time.

When the most important person in our lives (our own self) has rejected us, does it even matter if another person accepts/rejects us?

People talk about Self Acceptance so easily like how the term "Andha puli saathathula yen puliye illa?" gets used in RJ Balaji's show.

The journey of self-acceptance then begins with giving ourselves all the permissions that were denied to us (especially the ones that we are not even aware of).

In my parents' home, we had a small black and white TV. This was our source of entertainment until I completed my 10th std exams. With divine intervention, whenever I somehow manage to tune to Cartoon Network channel, my dad would promptly say, "Watch this channel when you are alone. Now let's watch something thateveryone enjoys". And he changes the channel to Podhigai tv where some Carnatic music would be getting played. 

With all due respect, Carnatic music has never been my cup of tea. My dad really has so much love and affection for me. Yet he failed to understand that there wasn't much alone time I had where I could really watch TV. And there wasn't much time where we sat together and had real conversations about life.

Now as a 31.5 year old adult, anytime I feel overwhelmed with life, my first instinct is to find my alone space, where I feel safe and keep people at a minimum 6metre distance. I somewhere bought into the belief that my needs can only be met when I am all alone. 

I don't know if I should feel happy or sad about scoring a centum 12/12 on this Injunction thing :P Wish I could remove my lens and see the world clearly for how it looks like. Who knows? Maybe the world has more weirdos like me whom I never had the chance to come across before :)

What are the injunctions that are still sticking to your mind like a piece of age-old decaying chewing gum (most importantly without your awareness)?