When summer holidays got over and the school was about to reopen, we kept our fingers crossed. We were curious about which section we'll be part of for the next one year and which of our friends move in with us into the same section and which ones leave us and get into a different section. Unfortunately, few of our closest friends may even leave the school and move to a different city because of their parent's work transfer. Our little minds couldn't fathom what destiny had in store for us.
And this struggle never stopped even as if grew up into adulthood. There are no explicit class and section names like '7B' or '8C' anymore. Life experiences embrace us into a warm embrace one moment and wake us up with a tight slap another moment. Nobody knows what each moment has planned for any of us at any point in time.
Suddenly you find yourself in a deep abyss. Your near and dear ones shout and scream at you out of affection and care (aka attachment). They desperately try everything they could to try and pull you out. But little do they know that the pit you had fallen into was not that easy to climb up from. It's an abyss. Nobody [prepared you how to graduate from an abyss. You too try hit and run strategies and when they all fall short, you sit still out of sheer exhaustion. That's when the abyss starts making a little sense to you though you don' fully understand anything. By this time your friends have moved on along their path. That wasn't an easy stroll either. They had their own fair share of bruises and wounds which they never bothered to attend to.
Out of nowhere the abyss decided that you are qualified to go back out into the world. It throws you out like a PSLV satellite launches the space vehicle that has to move faster than escape velocity and leave the earth's gravity.
Your friends do see you. But the real YOU feels invisible. When you were in the abyss, you had connected with a different language that felt vaguely familiar and soothing and you forgot other languages. These friends don't seem to speak your language anymore. The one that you used to speak earlier, even they seem to have forgotten it. They seem to be speaking a different language that you don't understand either. You tag along as long as you possibly can. But a point comes when you would give anything to go back to the abyss that felt so lonely yet safe than be with these harsh creatures that just pierce your heart with stones and thorns.
You distance yourself from the group for a while, trying to get a clear picture of what's happening. Just then you realize, the abyss had unraveled all extra layers that were surrouding your heart. And your heart feels so vulnerable right now. However, the ones who had to deal with the brashness of sun on the dry path outside, they had grown additional layers around their hearts as a self-preserving mechanism. These sharp stones and thorns are quite essential for them to survive. Without that they feel lost outside otherwise because of all the extra layers around their heart. But your raw, vulnerable heart feels as if it was handed over to a butcher whenever you spend time with them. You long for the sweet moments that you got to spend with them earlier. They don't understand why you are distancing yourself from them especially when they have consistently checked on you when you were inside the abyss. What an ungrateful creature you are to neglect and abandon them now? They don't understand the meaning of rawness and vulnerability. They ask which language these belong to and from which departmental store you can rent them out?
Whose fault is this?
Did I ask to be thrown into the abyss?
Did I ask the abyss to uncover and unravel all the protective layers around my heart?
Did I ask my friends to care to keep checking on me even when they didn't understand a thing about how an abyss functions?
Did I ask the abyss to throw me out into the world again?
Did my friend choose the desert filled with sharp stones and thorns and harsh sunlight everywhere without a hint of water. Not even a mirage.
Did my friend have any other way to keep herself safe other than wearing extra layers of skin around her heart that clouded her vision too at times?
When we finally got to meet again, how do I tell her I am unable to hug her because her thorns are making my vulnerable heart to bleed?
How do I ask her to let go of those extra layers around her heart when the desert climate is still haunting her?
Why is the same desert not haunting me the way it's haunting her?
Did the abyss really throw me out? Or am I carrying a silent scent of the abyss around me as an invisible shield from the desert?
The road ahead us had not split into two clear paths. It's just an endless directionless path.
When I myself don't have a clue how I survived the abyss, is it even safe to suggest her to take shelter in that?
Inside the abyss, it took me a good number of years for me to even realize that I hadn't died yet and that I am still alive. It's not even a wise choice to suggest this to her.
The scent of abyss that she could sense off me triggers her survival instincts and she doesn't hesitate to throw me into the nearest quicksand that she could find. Looks like she has become an expert in identifying where quicksands are located. I feel like the illiterate one in these areas.
My dear friend, I love you. You could never realize how much this heart genuinely loves you. I am still processing the shock of being thrown into an abyss, getting used to the abyss and getting thrown own unexpectedly and I am equally struggling to understand if I could ever get a chance to hug you at all without getting caught in your thornwebs and quicksands and without alarming you with the scento f abyss that's accompanying me?
Where is that sweetness of connection that we had shared once upon a time?
What is this experience called?
Who are you?
Who am I?
Why do I sense that you are about to have your turn to go into the abyss?
If you are getting startled by just the scent of the abyss that's still lingering around me, how are you going to handle yourself when you find yourself inside the abyss?
Is there anything that I can possibly do to make your heart feel at ease?
